The enigma I found in myself (what it is, is where it isn’t)

Kamohelo Moalosi, who is undergoing rehabilitation at Wedge Gardens rehab centre, wrote this piece about his journey to sobriety:

 I’ll start by acknowledging the divine, God! And I give thanks for His continuous mercy and everlasting love. It is a surreal realisation, one that can not be achieved without one being totally truthful and humble.

Me, the true self, has been dormant from suppression by what I understand as the enigma. There would be no reason to live to learn without its carefully planned existence. I by no means romanticise its persona, but I also do not disrespect it. Over the years and through a dreadful journey of endless days and drug use, I found out about many things. Most of which are polar opposites of who I truly am. But I did ask God to guide Me to understanding myself and that’s when The Enigma appeared. To learn and know what ‘it is’ I had to be taken to places where ‘it isn’t’, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and figuratively.

I begun to seek the unattainable and thought that rare knowledge would make me. It is actually sick and scary to want to be smarter than everyone else. It’s an illness that thrives off other illnesses – delusion to name one – and it infects perception of self and of the space one finds one’s self in.

Despite the enigma’s intentions, the true self stays true. That’s all it can be – true – and though it is dragged through the dirt and darkness it never ever dies. It is the strongest character I have ever met. It is darkness that discovers light, but it is light that gives birth to life. It is light that nurtures and strengthens minds and souls wholesomely. It is light that allows love. It is light that brings warmth and healthy growth. It is the light that reveals the treachery that lingers in the darkness. It is light that is the true self. And it is the true self that is the light.

The enigma stirs the need to pursue happiness, but happiness is but only temporary. The pursuit of happiness is a second rate ambition, only monotonous boring people are happy! It is easy to attain happiness – drugs, liquor, alcohol and many other frivolous worldly things can bring happiness. One can develop an obsessive compulsive personality whilst chasing a temporary chemical reaction – that’s happiness when thoroughly thought of – which is an illness! It is the prize for the meek.

Joy is the internal conquest uncovered. It is not found through and by inebriation, it cannot be summoned by the external feeble offerings of the world. It is not delivered by the hands of the meek. It lasts forever, for eternity! It does not compromise the true self, for it is the true self that leads and guides one to joy. No fool knows joy; no well-seasoned thief can steal it. No chemical can educe joy. It can not be broken!


 

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